Dear Mello
by Dance Away
Summary: AU. This is a little slice of Matt's thoughts in a world where Matt and Mello don't die, but they do have an arguement and go their seperate ways not long after the Kira case.


Hello! This is my first ever Death Note fanfic. It may very well resemble badly written crack but I assure you that this wasn't the intention.

AU. This is a little slice of Matt's thoughts in a world where Matt and Mello don't die, but they do have an arguement and go their seperate ways not long after the Kira case.

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Dear Mello.

Having established that there will be no contact between us henceforth, I concur that my silence on the matter of my personal issues is no longer needed. So let me list for you the causes of my personal issues, all of which revolve around you. Yes, that's right, all of my problems stem from you. If that hasn't made your fucking day then I don't know what it would take to do so.

You, of course, remember the day Roger told you that you would have to share? And that the thing you would be sharing was no less than your room? I certainly remember, it was the first of many violent Mello temper tantrums which I have borne witness to. That was the day I decided to befriend you, not because I am a masochist, but rather because I valued the welfare of my gaming consoles. This reasoning was later proved to be flawed when you drowned my first ever Nintendo in the bath. You do realise that aside from killing the Nintendo that you could have killed me? Electricity and water should not be mixed, much like maniacs and bombs should not be mixed. You learnt that one the hard way. Also, as an eleven year old, you proved your complete lack of modesty by barging into the bathroom whilst I was entirely naked. Thankfully, you now seem more concerned with exposing yourself than other people.

Back to the topic at hand, I decided to befriend you. When I reflect now, I can clearly see that it was not worth the effort. I did not save my games. The only thing which was gained from this friendship was an acute sense of impending disaster and when to duck. Not only did I lose many games, but also my dignity and apparently the sanity which I didn't know I had.

Unfortunately, by becoming your friend in addition to being your room-mate, I developed an attachment to you. I had nothing else on this entire god-forsaken planet and loneliness has always caused me to do strange things. It was incredibly stupid of me to fall into the trap of caring for another. I believe this was why I was only considered third best. No other child was stupid enough to form attachments at Wammy's.

This aforementioned attachment only strengthened and deepened as the years passed until it became something far deeper than a mere attachment, or silly childish feelings. I fell in love with you. Naturally, you didn't love me back. I don't think you even liked having me as your self-appointed friend. It hurts very much to harbour a one-sided love. Masochist I may be, but I have yet to find any pleasure in the pain of unrequited love. And yet, despite being very aware that you had nowhere near the same feelings for me as I had for you, I was still crushed when you left Wammy's without a word to me.

You didn't even say goodbye. A bad, unwilling friend you most assuredly were, but to completely ignore me, as if I were just a fucking wall-flower, and simply strut out the door... was cruel. You were _the _only thing on the planet which I truly cared for and you vanished. I was a wreck for weeks after you left. No one could tell of course, I've always been diligent in disguising my emotions to everyone with the sole exception being yourself. But I was crushed.

Because you are the reason for my existence. The only reason. What else do I have? Absolutely nothing. If you were to die I would simply stop breathing. There is no reason for my existence unless it is to make your life better. You could have commanded me to jump in front of a train, and whilst I wouldn't have been particularly thrilled to do so, I would have done it nonetheless to make _you_ happy. Currently, the only thing keeping me from finding a train to jump under is the knowledge that despite your proclamation of never wanting to see, hear or think of me ever again, with your absolutely reckless attitude there will likely come a day when you will require my assistance once again. And like a good little puppet, I will dance when you command me to.

If you have bothered to read this far, I shall do what you failed to do for me. Until such a time as you stupidly blow off half of your face again, I bid you farewell. See? It's really quite simple to say goodbye.

Lovingly yours,

Matt.

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Now if you read this far you can flame your hearts out! Or if you're feeling generous, you can give me some constructive feedback :D


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